I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
