I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
