what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize