I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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