she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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