If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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