I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
