I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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