know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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