if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
