At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
