Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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