I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
