Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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