Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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