I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We need to rekindle our bromance
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
