Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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