I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
