she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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