Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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