I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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