Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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