He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
