I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
