How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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