Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
