I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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