kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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