I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
