I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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