Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
