Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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