dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
