# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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