I can tuck mytits in my pants
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
