There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
