I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
