So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
