my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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