they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
