I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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