Im at strip club and am horny
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
nutella sex= disaster
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
