I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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