also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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