Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
