She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
