His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
