he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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