You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
