I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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