i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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