about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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