where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Randomize
