I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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