What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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