you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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