when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
