Don't you send me to vm
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
