woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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