Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
