i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
