I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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